THE DECEPTION OF AN ANGEL OF LIGHT
A FALSE RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE
&
THE UNFORGIVABLE SIN
Many years later I still remain both amazed and overjoyed that I had a Damascus road salvation experience. Christ appeared and spoke to me. It both shattered me and also radically revolutionised my life. That experience gave me a love for Christ and a strong desire for spiritual things and the eternal realm.
Therein lies a potential vulnerability … Why? Because the demonic is not slow to perceive your desire or seek to take advantage of it with the same seduction & deception whereby the serpent deceived Eve in the garden. Eve doubted what God had told them "Don't touch the fruit of that tree" but instead she CHOSE to believe the serpent that implied that God was deceiving her & Adam and cheating them out of a greater experience.
Deceived is what you are led to believe
Delusion is what you choose to believe
The result is the same – You are Deceived
How does this deception play out? Well, after years of counseling many hundreds of people, an obvious repeat pattern of bondage is revealed in the lives of many tormented souls. The consistency of methodology and the pattern of the strategy is predictable. It is the workings of a clever though diabolical evil reverse psyop with one intention in mind. And that is to hinder those who would want go deeper with God from doing so. Instead of their lives being a threat and a fear to the camp of the enemy, they believe a lie and become a fear to themselves.
There were they in great fear, where no fear was: … Psalm 53:5
Here's how I've seen it many times. The meeting is over and people come for prayer, something was said that touched them and they seek council & help. The victim of this particular evil can often be discerned by their fraught expression, intensity of gaze, and the question "Pastor, how can a person know if they have committed the unforgivable sin"? How can they know if they have blasphemed the Holy Ghost and God has forsaken them"?...
In the early days, when asked why they thought they may have done that, the answer was often word for word what many others had said before them and will after them. It's an awful question that I myself endured painfully for a long time.
The tormented soul will usually tell you that their dilemma began with an amazing spiritual encounter that they had experienced (usually years before). The euphoria of it all birthed a season of heavenly joy, unspeakable peace. A deep intimacy between themselves and God.
For me, it was an abiding & tangible presence that seemed to hover over my right shoulder night and day and everywhere I went. An unseen yet felt constant companion. It offered a sublime serenity that separated me from others as I found that even the sweetest of Christian fellowship was crude by comparison to my own quiet times in the presence of "God". I felt exclusive, special in His eyes. Elite & elect. I even referred to the experience as "My blessing".
But after around three months of this heaven upon earth a brother offended me deeply and before I could come to terms with the offense and deal with it as Christ had commanded the "Presence" left me, I felt it go. It broke my heart. It felt more painful than the worst rejection or break-up of any earthly relationship, and I'd certainly had a few of those. This separation was a searing and "seemingly" unrecoverable loss. My emotions felt held by a powerful invisible grip and I was crushed over and over again. I couldn’t seem to rise above it. Nothing I did, no religious observance or effort, could recover the sweetness of His presence.
I opened to my beloved;
but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone:
my soul failed when he spake:
I sought him, but I could not find him;
I called him, but he gave me no answer.
Song of Songs 5:6
I increased daily bible reading to ten chapters a day. Increased prayer to a minimum of two hours a day. I would play a minimum of two bible teaching tapes as I worked and would carry on street evangelism every evening hoping to both prove and win favor that would restore me to my first love.
I will rise now, and go about the city
in the streets, and in the broad ways
I will seek him whom my soul loveth:
I sought him, but I found him not.
Song of Songs 3:2
Ten long years slowly rolled by with many wonderful evidences here and there of God's love to me personally. However, because I had set the bar that “The Experience” was Gods affirmation that He loved me rather than His word that actually warns us to beware of “experiences as they are often deceptions” I could take no rest in my soul.
I pursued a return to spiritual ecstasy for as long and as hard as I could. Strangely, a sinister added pain accompanied the absence "of his presence" and that was the insidious creep of a growing horror, that was too awful for my mind to fully contemplate. Which horror was … that I had committed the unforgivable sin and God had abandoned me!!!
Why would I think that? My then limited knowledge of scripture revealed why I could be led to believe such a narrow and merciless doctrine. Hadn’t I read the verses below? Did not the whispers in my mind constantly remind of these verses to the exclusion of all other verses that put these damnations in to balance & context? I wouldn’t allow myself the possible luxury of any relief from alternative scriptures. No, I was going to be a martyr to the relief that the REST of God’s word so generously affords those that will read and believe it.
Quench not the Spirit - 1 Thessalonians 5:19
And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Ephesians 4:30
Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace? Hebrews 10:29
The verses above are true. There are sad, real occasions when these very verses apply. But these same verses do not reflect ALL of what God says to a young and spiritually immature child of His.
Nevertheless, I knew those verses and considered (or was influenced to consider) - Was abandonment by God & Christ now my eternal punishment because during a time of great privilege and presence I dared to be offended by a brother? Which brother I had long since forgiven and been restored with, though seemingly not so easily restored with God. Had great favor been forever lost as it was with Esau for selling his birthright to Jacob for a bowl of broth?
For ye know how that afterward when he (Esau) would have inherited the
blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance,
though he sought it carefully with tears. Hebrews 12:17
The torment was unbearable, I could find no place of relief for my soul. I wrongly interpreted and equated right standing with God as when "his presence" would return and nothing less.
I had set myself a false ideal, a fake standard as to what I determined was the evidence of God's approval rather than what His word clearly states is His approval.
I was actually, all the while surrounded with much rich blessing & favor but was blinded by this false reality and terrified that my "blessing" would never be returned.
DELIVERANCE & REST: After many fasts, nights of prayer, even days of shutting myself in a small cupboard seeking restoration. The breakthrough came about ten years later in a strange way through A GOD-GIVEN BARRENESS.
It happened like this … Our business had always been prosperous, we had experienced great favor when suddenly, all business leads & sales dried up. No amount of trying to reprime or resurrect the business made any difference. In fact, it made matters worse and we lost even more money trying to make money?
There was clearly something blocking the hitherto flow of sales? With overheads rising and reserves fast diminishing, we had to do something and do it quickly or we could be bankrupt and lose everything. Well, I had far too much pride to let that occur without a fight. We couldn't go to the bank for a loan, credit cards were maxed out, there was only one place to go and that was to God. I hadn't sought Him deeply and earnestly in quite a while. I guess I had slowly accepted my fate that I would never sincerely know Him in a deep way again and besides He probably didn't like me anymore anyway. The oil in the lamp of my soul was low and it's flickering light about to fade into obscurity.
But, in desperation & needs must I decided to not go back into the job until I had prayed this through and all the other list of issues that I had allowed to accumulate in my now dusty and probably cobweb-ridden soul. I could attempt to address them also.
The next morning at 8:30 I positioned myself prostrate on the floor of our small bedroom. "Ok God here I am, there is so much to sort out with you, that I hardly know where to begin…
…O my God, I am ashamed and blush to lift up my face to thee,
my God: for our iniquities are increased over our head, and our
trespass is grown up unto the heavens. Ezra 9:6
However, the pressing reason that I was there was because we were facing impending financial disaster and all the shame and inconvenience that would follow that. So, I reverted to a tried & tested method of yore that used to work in an emergency. And that was to pray in "other tongues" that the Holy Spirit had given me at the Baptism of the Holy Spirit years before. I had learned that if I attacked any challenge towards myself or others by prayer in tongues, then usually within a few hours the burden would lift, and soon the miracle of needed deliverance would be made manifest. For several years, I had not seen this type of praying work too well because of the above-mentioned reasons and my lack of assurance that God was even listening to me and why would He as I was in so much unbelief "Without faith, it is impossible to please God".
The consequences of not praying through for a miracle were too awful to bear so I pressed on in desperation. Without any breakthrough, I continued till 5 pm without a coffee or lunch break. Desperate times require desperate measures right!
DAY 2: Next morning, following one slice of toast, showered, shaved & dressed as if heading for the office I again prostrate myself bedside, desperately hoping that at any moment the tide of heaven would turn and I'd be back at work processing orders.
Other than a bathroom visit I was there again having prayed my heart out non-stop till 5 pm. I was having an inner battle of fear & unbelief vs mustard seed faith. I was coming before God without confidence that He would hear me or help me. What a desolate and lonely place that is.
DAY 3, was a repeat of the two previous days, except that, having prayed myself hoarse I could hardly speak. My throat felt dry & uncomfortable. Nevertheless, panic is a great motivator with few choices or options. So as best as possible I dug deep and prayed on again knowing that the overheads were mounting and the clock was ticking. Several times I'd nodded off and awoke abruptly with a sore face. I was sick of the taste of cheap bedroom carpet. Everything in my mind & body wanted to call it a day and to let the chips of financial ruin fall where they may. I had tried and failed … But worst of all, deeply troubling to my soul was the seeming confirmation that brass heavens and the awful silence in my soul realised my worst and deepest fears … that I was truly abandoned by God. What an awful and terrifying coldness that notion brought to my soul … I was Esau
…Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated. - Romans 9:13
Regardless, as mentioned, I was in a do-or-die situation, and seemed that life as we knew it would become unattainable if I did not get a breakthrough soon.
DAY 4: Oh, my heart was so heavy, such a mix of emotions, sadly hope & faith was hardly among them. I could identify with Jonah in the belly of the whale, I had no idea where this would end up but it seemed that prayer was a way better bet than no prayer at all.
I could speak even less than the day before, my throat was sore and it was more comfortable keeping my mouth closed and not verbalising my prayer. A three-day torrent of non-stop praying in tongues hadn't achieved anything and so now I was to learn to pray silently, to breathe prayer and hoped that somehow my just being there exhausted and quite frightened would just maybe draw brownie points in my favor. Actually, I did have some hope. It was deep and distant that somehow, just somehow Father would see the desperation of my heart and meet with me. I was surely seeking Him with ALL my heart.
And ye shall seek me, and find me when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13
I soon realised that making the effort with audible prayer contributed to more alertness than this new silent prayer. Silent prayer contributed to sleepiness and I lost count of how many times I fell asleep and would be startled awake with even more condemnation and shame at my failure to stay awake.
A STRANGE THING: In my involuntary silence I slowly began to be aware of a stillness, a sweet serenity that I had not experienced for years. It was as if I had laid down in green pastures beside still waters. It was an amazing dawning revelation to me that despite my "not pouring forth rivers of verbal prayer", nevertheless a resting place was being afforded me that I could hardly take in. My own thoughts, my years of self-loathing at my constant failures, my sense of inferiority & toxic shame, revealed that I was not lying there in faith, faith seemed far gone from me. But, I was lying there in desperation for a deliverance of sorts, and here was an inner deliverance in an amazing and strange way. An inner silence was being birthed from somewhere deep within my being. My soul was being restored; I was in the presence of God and a table was being spread before me in the presence of my enemies. I was slowly realising that God was not my enemy, He was my friend, My Father. He wanted peace for me. Although Satan was of course an enemy, I understood that actually, he was not my primary enemy! No, I began to see that my primary enemy was in fact … Me!
Why was I my own worst enemy? Because I CHOSE to believe a deception rather than the truth. I believed in "An experience" more than the written word of God that tells us not to trust in deceptive experiences. I never for a moment considered that "My Blessing" was a demon deceiving me with religious euphoria. I had made an idol of my own opinions and elevated them above the eternal and steadfast words of God & Christ. I was indeed an easy target for deception.
Gently and kindly the Spirit of God began to reveal to me that He would never return that "Blessing & Presence" to me. And the reason for that was not rejection, or unforgivable sin, or even the offense that I had towards the brother. Although unresolved offense is surely a shortcut to separating oneself from God quite quickly. No, it wasn't for any of these reasons that He was not going to restore to me the state of bliss that I had walked in for three months. He made quite clear as to why and it was because … It was not Him that had given me the experience in the first place?!!? It was a religious and deceiving spirit!
And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.
2 Corinthians 11:14
And herein is a textbook strategy of Satan revealed…
First, at a vulnerable spiritual occasion in your life, he comes as a soothsayer angel of light. With all the sensitivities of a most amazing and profound spiritual ecstasies. We believe it's God and embrace it with all our heart.
Secondly, he allows you to walk in the light of that deception for as long as it is necessary for his scheme to cause maximum impact and crush you forever.
Thirdly, He engineers a scheme that causes you to trespass against your conscience in some way and then feel shameful before God. Often, it's an offense and he set the scene for someone to trigger you.
Fourthly, he will suddenly remove the sense of his "assumed presence" from you. The separation is both discernible and painful. He will pierce your heart through with many arrows of sorrow.
THEN… the serpent that first whispered the sweet promises of exclusive specialness now whispers that you have failed God and you have committed the unforgivable sin, the Holy Spirit has left you, and you are eternally lost. At which point we are highly susceptible to believe all that he suggests.
Your sense of low self-worth and frequent failure can readily confirm all of his accusations as valid and sadly true. You tangibly felt blessing and you tangibly felt separation, what further proof do you need to believe that this is the accuser of the brethren that is talking to you. Fate accompli, it is done. You now contribute to your demise by failing to believe in God's words of truth, grace & favor and instead have turned to believe the unfounded whispers of an angel of light and in doing so imply that God is a liar and His words are not true. You begin to confess "I have committed the unforgivable sin and God has forsaken me"!
Herein is the unforgivable sin, not that you have grieved God by blaspheming His precious Holy Spirit, but that if you continue in this track of self-condemnation you will surely damn yourself to a lost eternity because WITHOUT FAITH ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE GOD Heb 11:6
This is Satan's plan from the first sweet whispers and felt presence to the final act of getting you to verbally condemn yourself and to state with your own thoughts & words "I have committed the unforgivable sin and God has forsaken me". If you hold to that as your confession of faith, then indeed, the possibility of your eternity in heaven is indeed jeopardised. So, are you forever doomed?
NO, you are not, YOU and YOU alone can turn this slow train wreck around ANYTIME THAT YOU CHOOSE!!!
Are you required to carry out long fasts and spend days on your face in prayer for a deliverance from this ceaseless torment as I did? If that changed the direction of your eternity it would be worth it. But the answer is NO. It wouldn't do any harm and it would probably do a lot of good, but we do not receive God's blessing because of personal works & merit, we receive God's blessings BY FAITH. I did what I did because that's what I needed to do. I wasn't fulfilling a formula or carrying out strict methodology. God had to bring me to heel, to exhaustion. I had to burn out before I was able to hear His still small voice and realise that I was pursing something He had never given me in the first place and would never restore it because it was a sweet deception from angels of light with a very bitter ending indeed.
One thing is required to stop this toxic drip, drip, drip of deceptive rejection and it is faith. Let's examine for a moment what faith is and how do we get it, how do we put it to work.
…according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. - Romans 12:3
So, then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. - Romans 10:17
Therefore, I say unto you, what things soever ye desire, when ye pray,
believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. Mark 11:24
Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12
Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. Hebrews 10:38
Faith does not come from ourselves. We do not work it up. It's not a case of imagining something into being. That is at best hallucination and worse delusional. It's easier to deceive a person than it is to show a person that they are deceived. Another of Satan's choice arrows is to fill people with conceit and have them believe that no one knows better than themselves and that a thing is not true until they believe it to be true. A person bound by conceit is a dangerous stronghold that ignores all attempts to rescue them from impending disaster.
Faith comes "BY HEARING A WORD FROM GOD" Romans 10:17. People are bound by believing that God has abandoned them because they listened to a word from a devil and were either ignorant or ignored what God's word ACTUALLY says about their plight.
Deliverance begins when
· We acknowledge that we have believed a lie We repent to God for doubting His written word and implying that He was the liar
· We begin to exercise control over our mind and mouth by no longer agreeing with the devil and instead of agreeing and confessing the written word of God.
· We realise that both FAITH & UNBELIEF are choices – Which one will you choose?
· Faith is a decision to believe in the absence of evidence or understanding
By completing the above steps, by renewing our minds with frequent bible reading, by fellowshipping with positive-minded sincere believers, you can begin your baby step by baby step journey out of the torment and darkness and dungeon of lies that you have been bound in for so long.
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
I want to end with the quote of someone that was not a believer, nevertheless his words are poignant and relevant to this highly sensitive topic.
DON’T SPEAK NEGATIVILY ABOUT YOURSELF
Don’t speak negatively about yourself
Even as a joke. Your body doesn’t know the difference
Words are energy and cast spells – That’s why its called SPELLING
Change the way you speak about yourself and you can change your life.
What you are not changing you ae also choosing.
Bruce Lee
A PRAYER
Father, I come to you now in the name of Jesus Christ your precious Son. Lord, I want to confess that I have been deceived. I want to repent and ask your forgiveness as I have believed the whispers of devils and I have disbelieved you. I am so sorry. I know that you are kind and gracious because your word tells us so. Therefore, by faith, I accept your total forgiveness. I commit to the renewing of my mind and resisting of toxic negative beliefs. I ask you to help walk me out of the valley of death and deceit and as you have promised restore my soul and bring me into the light. Lead me to brothers and sisters that can help me or lead them to me. Thank you, Lord. Thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory Amen.
